What subject is a witch good at in school?
Spelling!
What did the duck say when she bought lipstick?
Put it on my bill.
Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the leg of a chicken.
What did the egg say to the other egg?
Let's get cracking!
Why was the chicken afraid of the other chicken?
It was chicken.
How do you know if there's an elephant under your bed?
You bump your nose on the ceiling.
What would you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
Why do cows have bells?
Because their horns don't work.
What pie can fly?
A magpie.
How can you make seven even?
Remove the "S".
An FBI agent is interviewing a bank teller after the bank had been robbed 3 times by the same bandit. "Did you notice anything special about the man?" asks the agent.
"Yes," replies the teller. "He was better dressed each time."
FATHER: How are your grades, son?
SON: Under water, Dad.
FATHER: Under water? What do you mean?
SON: They're below C level.
SMART STUDENT: I'm taking French, Spanish, and Algebra this year.
LESS SMART STUDENT: Okay. Let me hear you say "good evening" in Algebra.
STUDENT: But I don't think I deserve a zero on this exam.
TEACHER: Neither do I, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.
What's in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jellybutton.
Tourist: How would you describe the rain in this part of the country?
Local: Little drops of water falling from the sky.
Why did the parrot wear a raincoat?
So he could be polyunsaturated.
How do porcupines play leapfrog?
Very carefully.
What works only when it's fired?
A rocket.
Girl: What did you get that little medal for?
Boy: For singing.
Girl: What did you get the big one for?
Boy: For stopping!
Why did the baker stop making donuts?
He got sick of the hole business.
What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
Fingernails.
Why can't you play jokes on snakes?B
ecause you can never pull their legs.
What do ducks watch on TV?
Duckumentaries.
What goes Oh, Oh, Oh?
Santa walking backwards.
What do they call pastors in Germany?
German Shepherds.
What is at the end of everything?
The letter "G".
What does the winner of the race lose?
His breath.
What do you call a mosquito with a tin suit?
A bite in shining armour.
What do giraffes have that no other animal has?
Baby giraffes.
Did you hear about the wooden car with the wooden wheels and the wooden engine?
It wooden go!
What do you get if you cross a Cocker Spaniel with a Poodle and a rooster?
A cockapoodledoo!
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A piiig.
Why don't bats live alone?
They like to hang around with their friends.
What's the difference between a jeweller and a jailer?
One sells watches and the other watches cells.
What do you call a chicken at the North Pole?
Lost.
How does a pig go to hospital?
In a hambulance.
Why is a slippery pavement like music?
If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.
Why are pianos hard to open?
The keys are inside.
What starts with T, ends with T and is full of T?
A teapot.
Have you heard the joke about the garbage truck?
Don't worry, it's only a load of rubbish.
If a dictionary goes from A to Z, what goes from Z to A?
A zebra.
Source:
http://www.niehs.nih.gov/kids/jokes.htmJean